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This go round, we no longer have the shy,
timid Selena who suddenly develops a voracious appetite for milk after
having plummeted to her death only to be resurrected by a cat. (I guess
this means that with my five cats no one will be getting rid of me too
quickly!). No, we now have graphic artist Patience Phillips, and while
shy and timid, all similarities to any prior interpretations of the
character end there. Employed by mega-beauty conglomerate Hedare Beauty,
the company and its employees are all aflutter pending the launch of a
revolutionary new anti-aging product called "Beau Line." As
luck would have it for poor Patience, though, she stumbles on to a dark
secret behind the product. Seems the product does what it says - it is
anti-aging. But there is one little flaw - it makes your skin melt off.
(Hey, that's one way to get rid of those fine lines and wrinkles!)
Needless to say, the corporate bigwigs find out that Patience has
discovered their little secret and take matters into their own hands,
eliminating Patience by dumping her the river. But as movie magic would
have it, Patience somehow lands on a piece of concrete floating in the
river and is, of course, surrounded by cats, cats and more cats.
Once looking deader than a doornail,
Patience is suddenly alive, and trying to figure out what happened (not
to mention why she is suddenly sleeping on the ceiling rafters, gulping
milk, eating tuna, etc.), she seeks out the advice of a crazy old cat
lady who confirms what the audience (and any comic book fan) already
knows; Patience died and was resurrected by the cats, in particular one
named Midnight who had a particular affectation for Patience even before
her untimely demise. Without question, Patience accepts the explanation
as gospel truth. And we go downhill from here.
Incognito as Catwoman, using her new
stealthy super powers of strength, speed and prowess akin to a cat, she
sets out to discover her killers and expose the Beau Line for its hidden
dangers, all the while becoming romantically involved with a certain
police detective named Tom Loan who is more intrigued with investigating
crimes involving a mysterious feline than he is with Patience. On the
upside though, it seems that our little Patience may have gotten a bit
of a mischievous streak injected in her by the cats and as Catwoman she
walks that fine line between jewel thief and super hero which is about
the only thing that adds some interest to a hackneyed script. (Based on
some of her antics, I wouldn't be surprised if my cats aren't the ones
responsible for that!)
Written by the team of John Brancato,
Michael Ferris and John Rogers based on a story by Theresa Rebeck,
Brancato and Ferris, this is a prime example of too many cooks in the
kitchen. The script is beyond cartoonish to the point of being
buffoonish. Taking off in a myriad of directions, one can almost
segregate which portions of the script were written by each individual
and then slapped together with soggy wet cat food with no sense of
continuity or adhesion. What makes it worse, is the intensity and
seriousness that Berry plays Patience/Catwoman. Like one would readily
accept resurrection by a cat without batting an eye or chasing a mouse.
Puh-lease!
Berry, who is a talented actress, sadly
resorts to T&A exposure here rather than honing her acting chops or
exhibiting anything that resembles the talent we saw in "Monsters
Ball" or "The Dorothy Dandridge Story." And the chemistry
between Berry and Benjamin Bratt fails miserably. Bratt, who steps in as
Detective Tom Loan, is enjoyable enough to watch (as is Berry), but
again, the character is unbelievable and the "police work"
disingenuine, especially considering most of the audience is familiar
with Bratt's work as a law enforcement officer in both "Law &
Order" and "Miss Congeniality." He lacks the earnest
approach here that he has exhibited in other roles, which given the
script is appropriate, but which falls short and seems improbable when
pitted against the seriousness of Berry. And let's not forget Sharon
Stone as Laurel Hedare, wife of cosmetics magnate George Hedare. In case
she has forgotten, someone needs to tell Stone she is not the same
sultry vixen from "Basic Instinct." Were it not for what
appears to be extremely good lighting, one would think she was in need
of the Beau Line anti-aging cream. The lighting differentials for Stone
are so great that you find yourself forcibly looking for the wrinkles
that are being filtered away. A big casting highlight however is Frances
Conroy as the crazy cat lady Ophelia. A delicious turn for a delightful
lady!
Director Pitof whose background is
primarily in visual effects, is heavy handed with tracking shots and use
of the narrative while completely missing the mark on the film as a
whole. The work of editor Sylvie Landra, a long time associate of Pitof,
only adds to the film's confusion and disjointedness. On the other hand,
but for possible one set, the quality work of production designer Bill
Brzeski is wasted on this film.
And I would be remiss to not give kudos
to the stuntmen and women on this film. Given the high volume action
sequences, their work here is unparalleled. Ignore the story, just watch
the stunts!
"Catwoman" - makes me want to
go me-ooooooooowwwwwwwwww. It can't slink from theatres fast enough for
me.
Halle Berry: Patience Phillips/Catwoman
Benjamin Bratt: Tom Lone Sharon Stone: Laurel Hedare Frances Conroy:
Ophelia
Directed by Pitof. Written by John
Brancato, Michael Ferris and John Rogers based on a story by Theresa
Rebeck, Brancato and Ferris. Based on characters by Bob Kane. A Warner
Bros. Picture. Rated PG-13.
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